Trust

I feel like it has been a long time since I have written a blog about what is going on with me and my life--and by that I mean what is going on in my head. I have written blogs that have described what is happening, but I have not dipped into what I am thinking or how I am feeling. Abstract thought and deep interpersonal meaning. I am not quite sure why that is exactly. Perhaps it is because of the reading that I have been doing recently. The reading has sprung up a lot of thought and certainly a lot of feeling. For whatever reason, it seems that I am at a point in life where I am finally ready or maybe finally willing to release that which has been buried deep down for a long time. Confronting that which I have been afraid to deal with--and by that I mean feelings in general.

As males in this western society it is seen as a sign of strength and superiority if you have no outward signs of emotion. Perhaps this is showing that as a male you are master of yourself and your world which indicates to others around you how stable and safe you are. In reality, however, things are quite the opposite in most cases as it certainly is with me. The problem with suppressing emotions is that they always seem to come out in different forms. Sickness, depression, anger and sadness; oddly enough the two latter are both emotions.

We are born into a man-made society and we spend a lot of time and energy learning to conform to that society which we have built for ourselves. We must learn to fit in and to assimilate into what is considered normal at any given time. I feel that this may be one of the reasons that I hated school so much growing up. School, as I have experienced it, is not much more then the methodical training of conformity to societal norms. Get a job, make money, buy a house, have a family, buy more things...lots of things (the larger the better; the more expensive the better). This is what we are taught to believe is what we want out of life in this western civilization. I do not know what job I want, having money means nothing, a house would be nice, but is worthless without other people you love in it and I am much to young for a family. What then do I do? What does one do when one comes to the conclusion that our society is concentrating on the wrong things in life?

As a whole we have become disconnected with that which matters most. We have become a mass of routines. We each have our own routine and we rarely stray very far away from it. When something or someone breaks our routine we become uncomfortable and uneasy. This is why we can watch the world crumble around us but until it starts effecting the price we pay at the gas pump do we take any notice. The news has become a form of entertainment rather then a medium that spreads the free flow of information. We come to care about cancer research and development once someone around us that we know and love contracts it. The cancer is not the real problem though--merely a symptom. One symptom out of thousands that are perpetually growing more and more serious. Only when we break our comfortable routines and step outside ourselves will we be able to see that in reality we are all just people not divided by the things that make us different, but united by that which we have in common. We all want to live a happy and meaningful life. We all want our children to live in a world where they have nothing to fear. Fear divides while trust unites. We must all trust one another.

Without trust I cannot respect you. Without respect I cannot love you.