Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Future Lies Desire

What is it that I run towards? What is it that I am looking for? The most difficult aspect of life is to be honest with one's self. If I know exactly what it is that I am seeking, then I can stop playing games with myself. I have hidden and buried the things that I am searching for and hope to get in future. Some part of me does not want to see that which it seeks. If I could see what I was trying to get, would I still seek it? If there was no tomorrow, no future, then the movement of seeking would end. What would this state of mind be like? How can a person who seeks a state of mind which is free of becoming something in the future ever be free of seeking? One must accept one's self in the moment no matter what they happen to be. Which means one must drop all ideas of how one should or shouldn't be. The here and the now is all that matters. Can I look at myself and see the whole thing, the whole movement completely without judgment which means without ideas born of past experience and knowledge? Can there be no comparison with even with the past knowledge? I see what I perceive to be and and I see that which I want to be. I assume that the becoming something different must take course over the space of time which then implies effort, will, force and desire. The one who desires to become desireless. Action born of desire only takes the desire into account; the rest of life is not considered. This disconnection from all but desire breeds inevitable conflict in all other aspects of life. Loneliness and desire walk hand in hand. Desire increases and the farther disconnected from life we become. Soon a desire to be connected and rooted in life is formed once one feels and sees the disconnection, then one desires to be connected and the very desire created the disconnection. When one is in the movement of desire, clouded becomes the exterior and the interior. The desire becomes all important. The desire is the answer and the problem at the same time.