Green and Blacks

Currently I am in London and will most likely not return to London for sometime or maybe at all. Since this is the case, I am trying to make this a weekend full of touristy activities. All of my other weekend stays here in London have not really had any tourist type adventures built into the mix, although I certainly did try to do some things, they just never happened. Today I was able to go to many different places that I have been meaning to see. I went to the Tate Modern Art Museum, National Portrait Gallery, Globe Theatre, and the Green and Blacks Chocolate Company corporate headquarters.

I have recently become addicted to Green and Blacks chocolate. They have a wide range and assortment of flavors when it comes to chocolate bars which have all been good or exceptionally good. I have become quite fond of their dark, white, and butterscotch bars. Tonight, I tried their Cherry bar for the first time. Cherry is Charlotte's favorite, but I cannot say that it is mine. That did not stop me from almost consuming the entire bar, however. Because of this obsession that is currently guiding my thoughts, I have been on a mission to try every flavor of chocolate this company makes. After looking at their UK website, I took notice that they have a caramel flavor that I have yet to try. I absolutely love caramel and since I have not found this flavor in any store in the UK I decided that I might as well go to their corporate headquarters which just so happens to be here in downtown London. I figured, if I was was to find this caramel bar anywhere, it must be at their headquarters. Alas, their corporate headquarters is just that--a corporate headquarters. Essentially it is just an office that they work out of and not a place to actually buy their products. Apparently the caramel is a discontinued line of chocolate and they do not distribute it to retailers any longer. The only way I can get my hands on one of these bars is to order it online. Pity.

Anyway, starting next week in Scotland, I will be traveling around the UK going where I please. A week from today I will be on a train heading up to Edinburgh. Once there, I will be taking a 5 day guided tour of the whole of Scotland. It is an area that I have always wanted to see and I am looking forward to it. I am not sure where I am going to go after my tour of Scotland. I may end up deciding that there are places and things in Scotland that I want to see more of, in which case I may end up hopping on a bus or train to get back to it. I will be traveling for at least three weeks. After that I may return to Jerry and Charlotte's house in Seaton, or I may continue my travels. I need to sit down and put some time and energy into trying to figure out some places that I really want to see, but that really does not sound like fun as most of my time lately has been on the computer helping Jerry with the development of his Neuropsychological Test and research into places to travel means more time on the computer. Just the other day, Jerry and I made it to an important milestone in the development of the test. There is still much to do though and I want to help as much as I can. This may be a project that I can work on even while I am traveling, although having Jerry there to oversee the things that I am working on is key, and would be difficult if we needed to collaborate long distance.

I have also been putting a lot of time into the development of my CV. If you have never heard of a CV (as I never had until I got here), it is essentially the worldly equivalent to an American Resume. In the hopes that I will be accepted to a school here in London, I have been developing my CV and looking into what I would need to do in order to obtain a Student VISA. If things go well, and I get accepted into the school that I have been looking at, then I will have to travel back to the US in order to apply for a Student VISA. I was hoping that I would be able to continue my time here in the UK and just get my VISA changed over, however, that does not seem to be possible. Hopefully soon, I will be invited down to the school for a week long introduction and by that time I will hopefully have a better idea when and if I will be coming back to the states. One plus about coming home is that I may be able to attend a couple of weddings that are happening this summer that I would otherwise not be able to attend. If I do end up getting accepted into this school I would start in late August or early September and the school goes until late July. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things work out. The more I read and learn about this school and its founder the more I want to go to it.

Trust

I feel like it has been a long time since I have written a blog about what is going on with me and my life--and by that I mean what is going on in my head. I have written blogs that have described what is happening, but I have not dipped into what I am thinking or how I am feeling. Abstract thought and deep interpersonal meaning. I am not quite sure why that is exactly. Perhaps it is because of the reading that I have been doing recently. The reading has sprung up a lot of thought and certainly a lot of feeling. For whatever reason, it seems that I am at a point in life where I am finally ready or maybe finally willing to release that which has been buried deep down for a long time. Confronting that which I have been afraid to deal with--and by that I mean feelings in general.

As males in this western society it is seen as a sign of strength and superiority if you have no outward signs of emotion. Perhaps this is showing that as a male you are master of yourself and your world which indicates to others around you how stable and safe you are. In reality, however, things are quite the opposite in most cases as it certainly is with me. The problem with suppressing emotions is that they always seem to come out in different forms. Sickness, depression, anger and sadness; oddly enough the two latter are both emotions.

We are born into a man-made society and we spend a lot of time and energy learning to conform to that society which we have built for ourselves. We must learn to fit in and to assimilate into what is considered normal at any given time. I feel that this may be one of the reasons that I hated school so much growing up. School, as I have experienced it, is not much more then the methodical training of conformity to societal norms. Get a job, make money, buy a house, have a family, buy more things...lots of things (the larger the better; the more expensive the better). This is what we are taught to believe is what we want out of life in this western civilization. I do not know what job I want, having money means nothing, a house would be nice, but is worthless without other people you love in it and I am much to young for a family. What then do I do? What does one do when one comes to the conclusion that our society is concentrating on the wrong things in life?

As a whole we have become disconnected with that which matters most. We have become a mass of routines. We each have our own routine and we rarely stray very far away from it. When something or someone breaks our routine we become uncomfortable and uneasy. This is why we can watch the world crumble around us but until it starts effecting the price we pay at the gas pump do we take any notice. The news has become a form of entertainment rather then a medium that spreads the free flow of information. We come to care about cancer research and development once someone around us that we know and love contracts it. The cancer is not the real problem though--merely a symptom. One symptom out of thousands that are perpetually growing more and more serious. Only when we break our comfortable routines and step outside ourselves will we be able to see that in reality we are all just people not divided by the things that make us different, but united by that which we have in common. We all want to live a happy and meaningful life. We all want our children to live in a world where they have nothing to fear. Fear divides while trust unites. We must all trust one another.

Without trust I cannot respect you. Without respect I cannot love you.

England Pictures

I have posted some new pictures covering a number of different places I have been in the last couple of weeks.

England

Busy

Currently I am in London. Today I had quite an interesting experience. One thing that I meant to do when I was in New York City, but never got a chance to since I ended up sick, was to head into China Town and have some Dim Sum. I decided that I would make up for that missed opportunity here in London. This evening I walked down into China Town and found a particular Chinese restaurant that I was searching for that I knew served Dim Sum. I ended up finding it, unfortunately they stopped serving Dim Sum at 5pm and I was there a little after 7. I ended up still eating there and had some Ma Po Tofu, which is my favorite Chinese dish. Anyway, I digress; onto my point of an interesting experience. Upon walking into this establishment I had the most peculiar sensation that I was back home. Somehow, walking in and sitting down in a Chinese sit-down restaurant means home to me. Perhaps it is because Chinese happens to be one of my favorite fares or maybe it is the type of people that a Chinese place draws. Whatever it was, it was certainly nice to have a taste of home.

I have not written a blog in a while and rightly so, I suppose. I have been quite busy. I do not feel like I have gotten that much accomplished in the last couple of weeks, because somehow I have a huge list of things that I have been meaning to do (writing a blog being one of them), but I just have not had the time to sit down and actually do them. I might end up doing quite a bit of catch up work tomorrow so that I may cross off some items on my ever growing list, however, I am in London and I have no obligations to do anything tomorrow. I may end up doing some touristy things around town like going to see the Tower of London or there is a Chinese Art exhibition being put on currently that sounded quite nice. I suppose I will just see how I end up feeling tomorrow morning and decide from there. Although, there are probably some things on my list of stuff to do that I will need to accomplish tomorrow. So then, what then has been keeping me so busy that I have not had time to do what I want, or in some cases, need to do?

Well, my acting classes for one thing has taken up the last two of my Saturdays, this one included. I got back from class a couple of hours ago, took Miriah for a walk, then ate at said Chinese Dim Sum restaurant. The classes have been lots of fun and tomorrow I plan on signing up for at least the next class coming up this Saturday and possibly the next one after that as well, however, the latter is a iffy because it will not be a possibility for me to stay with Charlotte here at the Madison House in London. It is perfect for me to stay here while taking these classes because I literally walk outside the door and go across the street to where the classes are being held. The class starts at 10 and I can walk out the door here at 9:59 and still be on time; it is quite wonderful. However, if I do end up taking the class on the 12th, I will not have that luxury. I am thinking I will try to find someone that I can couchsurf with here in London. After all, London is one of the most surfed cities in the world. Although, so is NYC and I had a hell of a time trying to find anyone to host me there simply because anyone who hosts constantly has guests staying with them. Hopefully tomorrow I will have that all straightened out. The thing that has been taking up a lot of my time, or at least a lot of my limited mental power, is helping Jerry with a project of his at work. Jerry has been developing a test that he administers to patients at the hospital in Leicester who have suffered from injuries to the head and may or do have brain damage. The test he is developing sets out to be able to access the abilities and functions that may be inhibited by the injuries the patient has received. It is a fairly large and all encompassing test that looks at numerous brain functions. In theory, using this test as data to stand on, Jerry can: make educated assessments of what functions his patients may or may not be able to do or perform in their daily lives; help guide other psychologists, case managers and social workers in providing care that meets these patients needs; determine what problems these patients may have with adjusting back into a "normal" life; as well as determine whether or not his patients should or should not be given further care from the UK's National Health Care System (NHS). So far, Jerry has 3 years of data logged for the test that he has put together. Jerry has wanted to put together a much more presentable version of the test so that he can present to a test publisher here in the UK in order for other psychologists worldwide to make use of it, which is the first of it's kind, as far as Jerry knows. My role with this test started out small with me simply redesigning some elements of the test and putting it together in a nice looking fashion using the computer. Since then, it has grown into us wanting to redesign entire modules of the test and now even producing at least one if not two parallel versions of the test along with doing some major graphic design work to really enhance the overall look and presentability of it. All in all, this has been what I have been spending a majority of my time doing. I have gone into work with Jerry a couple of days to his job in order to put some time into this growing project. We are both very excited about the prospects of what it can and will do once it is all together. I hope to really be able to help Jerry make this test what he wants it to be so that it will be published successfully and used widely. In the hands of psychologists around the world, this test has the potential to identify problems for people with brain injuries and damage early on so that they can be provided with the proper care they need and deserve. There is certainly a lot of work to be done on the development of this test(s), but even if I am not with Jerry that much longer in my travels, I will hopefully be able to continue the work while I am moving about. Oh, and of course, I have been out in the yard continuing my work in the garden. So far I have displaced over 6 tons worth of dirt, rubble and rocks out of their yard and I still have quite a ways to go with it. Earlier this week I transplanted a bush/tree to another part of the yard to make room for some more digging, trenching and wall building that will happen sometime here in the near future. So this is pretty much what has been keeping me busy. Needless to say, I have been spending a lot of time talking with Jerry. Not only about all the work that is in our future, but also with personal matters. Jerry and I get along very well and it has been great developing our friendship.

Looking towards the future, with all of the work that is still left to do, it seems that I will be with Jerry and Charlotte for a while still to come. Near the end of April, Charlotte will be coming home to Seaton for 5 weeks. She will then be returning to London come June when the new school term starts and she needs to return to manage the house here where all the James Madison University kids stay while they attend class. When Charlotte does come home to Seaton, I will then be leaving for at least 3 weeks traveling around the UK in order to give Jerry and Charlotte some much needed time alone together. I know for sure that during this time I will be taking a 5 day guided tour of Scotland as well as visiting Cambridge. Other then that, I have many ideas about other places that I may wish to visit, I just have not had the time to research any other locations. One major thing on my list of things I need to do is make an itinerary for those 3 weeks. There is nothing to say that I will return to Seaton after those 3 weeks are up, but considering all the work that will certainly be outstanding, I will most likely want to come back to help out as much as I can.

I am quite enjoying being here in the UK and I am very excited about what the next couple of weeks will hold for me. I now that I will be busy, and that is a good thing.

Weather Permitting

Apparently we are a few weeks away from the beginning of the English summer. The hours of light are steadily growing longer and plants are starting to bloom. I hope to take some nice pictures and see some beautiful countryside without rain and overcast skies in the coming weeks. It has been rather overcast here in Seaton over the last couple of days. I, personally, do not care for overcast skies as they tend to make me feel somewhat down and depressed. Yesterday started out as a beautiful morning promising clear skies and good weather. As soon as I had that thought, the skies dimmed and the clouds took over. Progressively the day just got darker and darker until finally the rain came down. Looking at the forecast: today calls for light rain then heavy rain on Saturday and Sunday; both Monday and Tuesday should be clear and happy days.

After some delays due to bad weather here in the UK, Jerry is back home from his vacation to Italy with Charlotte. They had a pleasant and relaxed time, but now are back to work with Jerry here in Seaton and Charlotte working and living in London. It has been nice having Jerry back home. I have been able to share with him some of what I have been going through recently and he has been quite helpful. Having company to look forward to at the end of the day has been quite nice. Miriah also seems quite pleased to have Jerry home.

Now that Jerry is back, I am also back out in the yard doing projects out in the garden. Currently, I am digging out a fair portion of dirt and material from a place where Jerry, eventually, hopes to be able to build and place a shed for tools and other odd bits. Since Jerry has been back we have been able to discuss plans for future projects out in the yard. There is much to be done and plenty that will keep me busy while I am staying here with Jerry in Seaton. Yesterday I was out in the yard hauling dirt most of the day. In order to haul out the dirt, first I had to move a compost pile from one area of the yard to another. That has to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever had to do in life. My body feels a little battered and beat this morning from the workout I received yesterday, however, weather permitting, I am planning another day out in the garden today finishing up the dirt hauling and completing some other smaller projects. As I write this, the weather is indeed overcast, but with luck the rain will not start until later on in the day. All the outdoor work that I have been doing is toning up my body and making me feel healthier in general. I have lost 5 pounds since I have left for my trip and hopefully gained some muscle mass.

Overall, I have been fairing much better emotionally then I was a week ago at this time. My parents sent me some books to read after my viewing my blog entitled "Fear". I have started to read and dissect one of them and it seems to be helping. At the very least, it is giving me something to concentrate on when I do not have other things to keep my mind occupied. I have been having regular conversations on the phone with my parents via Skype which has been both comforting and helpful. Actually, I have been talking more often with them now then I ever did when I lived with them; funny how that happens. Certainly having Jerry back home has helped me feel more normal as well. Also, I was able to speak with Irene on the phone the other day. Because she has been so busy with her school work, seeing as how she is upon finals, and due to my extreme emotional behaviour, we were out of contact for about a week. Having finally talked to her on the phone the other day has given me peace of mind and, of course, I do love speaking with her.

I am looking forward to the next coming weeks. Jerry and I have been discussing things that we would possibly like to do together. This coming weekend, Jerry will be studying quite hard as he has a paper due at school that he needs to work on. Currently, he is studying to become officially certified in the UK as a Neuropsychologist. In which case, this weekend will be a good time for me to also do a bit of reading in the books my parents sent me; that is unless the forecast is wrong and it will not be raining, then I will most likely be out in the yard working. The following two weekends after this one I will be in London. I have signed up to take two acting workshops at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts which just so happens to be held right down the street from where Charlotte works, and where I will be staying. In the mean time, I have done some looking into places here in the UK that I would possibly like to go and visit. So far, I am fairly certain that I will visit Cambridge, Stratford-Upon-Avon (home of Shakespeare), and take a 5 day guided tour of Scotland.

Now I am off to take Miriah for her first walk of the day then into the yard for some more dirt removal...weather permitting, of course.