Unknowable

Life. Like a classic tale of suspense, mystery and intrigue. The hero has a path, a set journey to travel and goal to meet. The audience knows the hero must complete a certain task, and the audience also knows that he/she will complete the monumental challenge beset to him/her. You, as the audience, just have no idea how they will do it. This is why we watch, this is why we read. We already know the end, but we do not care about the end. We want to see and experience the journey.

It is our own journey which we are seeking to uncover. We are our own hero. It is our own personal journey that really inspires us on. We want to know what is going to happen. We want to know how we make it to the end. How will we get to the final product? What awaits us around the next corner? What will I do? How will I do it? And yet, we cannot know before hand. Everything unfolds in the moment and is shown to us when we need to see it. If we were to know already how it is to transpire before it actually happens, we would have no care to continue. It is the mystery that moves us...the unknown. It is the unknown which we strive to unlock and that which we fear at the same time.

Sensation Creation

There is so much to do, and yet nothing to do. Thought feels it is the center of everything. It sees itself as the one who has the power to change, make, control. In the end, the only power thought has is in letting go. Letting what is, be what is. No reaction to the actuality of what is perceived. The perception is the only reality. One can be sure that what is felt is real...not the thing giving the feeling, but the feeling, the sensation itself is a reality. Considering thought has no control over what sensations it perceives, what sense is there in wanting a sensation to be anything different? To desire creates inevitable conflict. Whether it is a desire to recreate a pleasurable sensation, or whether it is a desire to never feel a particular sensation again, desire creates a resistance to the actuality of perception.

There seems to be a very deep and hidden aspect of the mind whose job it has become to interpret the sensations felt on the body. The average person is oblivious to the subtle, constant sensation which the body is undergoing at all times of the day and night. This part of the mind is in constant contact with all the sensations. We give free reign to this part of the mind and the consequences of this freedom are disastrous. This aspect of mind interprets, judges and responds to certain sensations it comes into contact with. It actually generates its own sensation in an attempt to encourage or discourage certain specific sense patterns the mind experiences. However, no aspect of the human mind has control over what sensations it comes into contact with. We may try and limit certain sensations and chase others, but ultimately we have no control. Additionally, this subtle aspect of the mind has a major flaw besides its feeble attempt at control. For example, the mind interprets a sensation it deems highly undesirable, it then generates a feeling overwhelming which the conscious mind becomes keen to and aware of. This feeling which the mind has generated has an effect on the body, the body reacts in a negative fashion. Perhaps the stomach flips, or there is a sensation of intense pain, nausea, tension, anger, fear etc. If intense enough, the reaction the body has towards the sensation which the mind generated is now interpreted as a new sensory event for evaluation. This sensory event which is so obviously unpleasant, can cause the mind to produce another sensation which then may have an effect on the body. This can quickly spiral out of control. This process is known to us as anxiety, and in extreme cases, panic attacks.

If we are to understand this process and see it, feel it, we must become sensitive. We must become aware to not only the large sensations which we are experiencing on the surface level of awareness, but we must reawaken our capacity to feel everything that is happening in the body no matter how small or insignificant we may deem the sensation. If we can see this process unfold; if we can become aware of how this subtle aspect of our mind is constantly trying to grasp at pleasurable sensation and run from unpleasant sensation then we may be able to see that it is not the thing outside of our body which causes us pain or pleasure. Rather it is us. Therefore, we have no one or nothing to blame for our reactions, not even ourselves...because we literally have no control over this small, subtle aspect of the mind. It does not see or understand the totality of the function which it has undertaken. If this part of the mind were to see the chaos it produces, we stand to rid ourselves of all anxiety and perhaps more.

with my death.

And so it is.
That on this day, at this very hour. That I, understandably so, set out on a journey of one so unspeakably pointless that it warrants nothing but one, seemingly ridiculous and drawn out sentence as to convey, not only to those who would read it, but unto myself what it is that I am feeling and what it is that I have felt.
Time is lost and the time has come.
Tired.
That I am tired of doing what I am supposed to do.
That I am tired of doing what is right.
That I am tired of fighting the fight never ending.
And yet, it does end and will end;
with my death.
Life is nothing but a pointless journey from here to there. A movement, a fleeting few tiny steps in the vast and incalculable continuum of that we call life.
So heavy a burden it lay upon our shoulders.
So deep it cuts into our hearts.
What will one do? How shall one go on when there is no fruit, no taste, no joy of that which is timeless.
Now is the time for the timeless. Now is the time for the seed is planted. There is nothing to do. It has already begun. The end. Your End. Our End.
For I am tired.

To the Master and the Maker:

There comes a time when all the roads and the paths come to a point. A fork in the ways. A crossing of thought, time and reality.

All things happen for a reason. The pain, sorrow, fear, pleasures, pursuits, passions.

We wander this life looking for meaning once had, now lost. There is nothing special or sacred to find out in the physical world.

All that we see, feel, hear, taste and smell can never tell the whole truth. All that is true - all that is real, exists within ourselves.

Choice is an illusion. You are but a small and insignificant part of a larger order. You are born of order and can only exist as order. Good, bad, right, wrong is a concept unknown in an orderly system.

There is nothing to do, to understand, to control. What must happen, will happen; what you must do, you will do.

Be the order, love thy self, drop judgement, 1 with now. I am separate; we are together; 1 is whole. 1 is real.

No Mind = No Problem

What if there was no Me? What if there was no thing to look at? No thing to observe and say, I did this or I did that? If there was no thing to label then there would be nothing one could compare one`s self to. All judgments would cease to exist for there would be nothing to judge against. Then it does not matter if there is actually a Me or not a Me. What matters is that one believes there to be a Me. I believe I exist. I believe I am here and am making choices and have the ability to change what is Me. Thus when things happen I judge as negative, I then have the desire to change it. When things happen to me I judge as positive, I have the desire to sustain it. If there was no Me that things happen to, there would cease to be desire.